When my kids started talking, I diligently kept a list of the words they said and the date they said them. I proudly added new ones to their baby books even though it sounded like mumbo-jumbo to anyone outside our home. To us new parents, the words meant we were finally on that road to real communication with our children. Instead of cries and shrieks, our son could say, “Ah-noo,” and we knew he meant football. He had his own language, but we cracked the code and bought into the cuteness.
Our daughter could say, “upsididdy down” and we knew what direction she meant. If she asked for “lemonlade,” by golly, shouldn’t she have some?
As the kids got older though, real words replaced the cuteness. But some funny stuff started to come out of their mouths. In my busy day of folding laundry, wiping rears, and trying to steal a nap, I didn’t have the time to write down whole conversations in the kids’ baby books. In the moment, I began quickly typing up the funny stuff my kids said and hence, a funny list was born. I still keep this list on my computer and add to it when I overhear a hysterical conversation or my kids make me choke on my Sun Chips. And from time to time, my husband and I still read it when we need a laugh.
This is the part of the list I’m willing to share:
1. My husband asked my son, age 4, “What do you want to know about girls?”
My son didn’t miss this opportunity. He lifted his arms to his chest and shouted, “BOOBIES!”
2. My son, 4, to my daughter, 2: “Hey, say this: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America….” He told her the whole thing and then said, “If you can say that, I will play with you forever.”
My daughter’s response: “Weeble wobble.”
3. My son, 4, from the backseat: “Mommy, can penises undo seatbelts?”
4. Playing hide-and-seek with my son and his Spider-Man toys, I asked him who was counting. He answered, “I said Venom was, but you didn’t listen.” Ouch.
5. I had only been out of the room a minute. When I returned, my son, 5, had a red line all the way around his mouth like a clown. I asked him what he did to his face. He said, “I wanted a beard.” I told him I was going to have to scrub it off and that I would take his markers away if he did it again. He said, “How many?”
“All of them,” I said.
He thought about it and said, “I’m going to hide them before you do that.”
6. After my son, almost 6, was super bad one day, my husband had a little talk with him. My son said, “I’ll be good till Christmas and after my birthday, then I’ll be bad again.”
7. My husband left for work one day with a box of granola bars. My daughter, 4, said, “Are you the snack bringer?”
8. My daughter had a friend over one day and the kids were eating a snack. The little girl exclaimed, “I’m going to marry a very nice man one day.” Without missing a beat, my son said, “I hope it’s not me.”
9. After crawling in bed with me one morning, my daughter, 4, asked, “Momma?”
“What?” I moaned, on my back still half asleep.
“Where did you boobies go?”
That woke me up fast.
10. Overheard while the kids were roughhousing…
My son, 6: “Ow! You’re smooshing my pee-nus!”
My daughter, 4: “Now you’re a girl.”
Without this list, I would have forgotten most of these moments. And though it’s not a fancy baby book, those lines of typed words bring more smiles than the date of a first tooth.
What funny things have your kids said?