Oscar Fashion From the Stained Carpet

There’s nothing like the Oscars to remind me that my fashion lacks star quality.  While celebrities sashay down the red carpet in Vera Wang and Versace, I spend my days as a mom dressed in the best discount stores and clearance racks have to offer. And it’s not necessarily a bad attempt most days. When I parade down the sidewalk during afterschool pick-up, other moms in their daily uniform of T-shirts and black yoga pants shout, “Karen, who are you wearing?”

“Vintage Mossimo for Target,” I say as I gracefully dodge a path of gumballs in my three-inch Dansko clogs. Really, anything matches a pair of Levis.

I’m not into the whole yoga pants as fashion thing. I do make an effort to dress in something remotely considered an outfit every day. But fashion forward? Not quite so.

My apparel hasn’t changed much since college, so I can’t say I technically dress like a mom. But my hemlines have certainly dropped a few inches and my necklines don’t have quite the same plunge. A few sneak-peeks in a kindergarten class taught me that cleavage can’t be handled by anyone over the infant stage. I didn’t want to be the popular volunteer. And it’s not like there’s much of a peep show going on in that area.

The movie stars at the Oscars may be sequined, feathered, and stilted, but I need comfort around the clock. I need clothes I can bend in, take a nap in, scrape my lunch off and go about my day in, and good, supportive shoes that don’t make my back scream with pain at the end of the day. If clogs and Birkenstocks are those shoes, so be it.

When my husband comes home from work and sees me in layers of warmth and my newest clearance find, slippers purchased more for heat than beauty, I know he wonders whether I’ve gotten a sitter for the night. My favorite slippers may look like butchered Ewoks, but those lovelies are the only things to keep my feet happy till the spring thaw.

No Ewoks were harmed in the making of these slippers.

I could sit up all night oohing and aahing over all the glamour on TV, but this momma needs her beauty sleep. And I have a stained carpet to walk in the morning.



Filed under About Mom, Everyday Life

26 responses to “Oscar Fashion From the Stained Carpet

  1. I have just the sweater to go with those ewok boots!

  2. Love this post!!! And my goodness those slippers look amazing 🙂

    • They keep my feet warm and that’s really all I care about. My husband looks at them with pure loathing. I know he can’t wait until spring. The question is, will they be here next winter or will they have mysteriously disappeared?

  3. sj

    omgosh. Since I homeschool, I rarely leave the house (other than for walks around the neighbourhood with the kids). My uniform is a series of ankle length maxi dresses, with thermals and a hoodie if it’s cold. I wear flipflops year round. If it’s cold, I wear them with socks. Not in public! I hate when I leave the house and can frequently be heard to say “What? You mean I have to put PANTS ON?!”

    • At least you make an effort when seen in public. I’m over all these women I see in fleece pajama pants shuffling through the stores in their slippers. Compared to them, I do look like I’m walking the red carpet!

  4. I know exactly what you mean! First I do wear a lot of yoga pants (at home only, never outside) I work from home and their comfy, I’m also a full time college student( yes an old one, this is my second time) and I freeze at school so I do wear shoes that look like that! Do you know what it’s like to freeze for 8 hours twice a week? And I’m having some health problems jeans and losing weight like crazy so I’ve been buying Wal-Mart brands cause seriously I don’t care if we can afford better when your buying new pairs twice a month cause they keep falling off it’s just stupid to pay for expensive ones. I enjoyed your blog, and I found you on Blogaholic.

    • Thanks! I don’t blame you! Going through sizes is a pain and not worth the money. I get extra cold in the winter and I’ve been known to be sporting some long johns under my pants for extra warmth (hence the layers). Summer is so much easier, isn’t it? At least we aren’t expected to wear ball gowns every day!

  5. I too make the effort to look like a human outside my house. But like you said, it still has to be practical! Nothing is more confusing to me than those moms wearing designer duds, probably in white, hair done just so. My dress would be a wreck before I got out the door!!!

  6. Hahaha, I think we shop at the same mega fashion filled stores. I am all about the corduroy pants, tee shirts and my mid length, light brown, comfy as heck, tie around the waist, light brown sweater. In my fashion lacking mind, this sweater goes well with everything, hides pet hair and stains equally as well and can double as a jacket if it is not raining or too cold.
    Your slippers would go well with my sweater (as all things do) but I need the added lazy feature of a slip-on hands free put on/take off feature from my slippers. 🙂

    • Yes, these are no one-handed slip-on beauties. It takes two hands to don this magnificence! I don’t have one of those sweaters, but I have three fleece sweatshirts that I got at Target for $3 each. I mean, what a great deal! And in different colors! The one does attract the lint though.

  7. Love it! And I’m not even a mom, but I guess I share their fashion sense for comfort and utility. If I can hike in it, bike in it, climb a mountain in it, paddle a kayak in it, chase a dog across the yard in it, or step on a horse and ride away in it, it’s the outfit for me. Prada who?

  8. You are hysterical ! (if you pronounce it “Tar – jay” it sounds better, and hey, they have Isaac !). I keep hoping Stacy and Clinton/What Not To Wear will show up at my door, but one of my friends informed me i’m “not that bad” ….

    • Thanks! My husband would roll his eyes at you for encouraging me. And I would die if What Not to Wear showed up at my door! I’m sure they could make me look cute, but they sure as hell couldn’t make me feel comfy too. No way.

  9. I love, love, love the Ewoks. I’m so relieved that no Ewoks were harmed in the making of those boots.

    My red slouchy flat-soled boots cost way more than I ever spent on something that wasn’t a piece of furniture (I’m a clearance rack groupie myself) and I wear them to feel ultra-chic. But then I remember. They’re boots. I tuck low-priced jeans into them. Old Hollywood movie star style, right there.

    The last line of this was so perfect!

    • Thanks! Unfortunately the beauty part didn’t work, but I did miss out on most of the winners for the night as usual and had to catch up the next day as I vacuumed that stained carpet.

  10. Kim

    I’m guilty of the yoga-pants-as-an-outfit stage. I recently went back to work part time and I have to admit I’m loving “having” to wear real clothes, makeup, NO ponytail and **gasp** heels! Granted, they usually come off pretty soon after getting home, but it’s a start! I’m a new follower from the BSN, love your blog! I’ll be back 😉

    • Thanks! Ha. Heels. I am not so graceful in heels, but I do find that when I have to dress up, my son always asks, “Mommy, why do you look so pretty today?” As if all those other days I do not look so pretty. Hmmm. Glad you found me! I’ll be over to check out your site.

  11. forestfae

    Lol! Those Ewok boots of yours must be ‘family’ of the exact same pair I have 🙂
    They are just sooooo comfy.

  12. v1ct0r1a

    Stained carpet to walk….LOVE IT! Currently baking baby number 6 and we don’t have an unstained carpet in the house. Even my hardwood floors have stains…don’t ask.

    • Yeah, and I’m holding out too. Trying to talk the hubby into getting a dog. Why not take advantage of those carpets for pet training? One day I can have beautiful carpet to walk on.

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