A 6-Year-Old’s Guide to the Opposite Sex

“Mom, I don’t get it. He’s getting on my nerves, but I still want to play with him.”

That’s what my daughter observed between hunks of banana while her brother entertained himself by snatching her ring and running off with it, calling her weird—“No, I said, ‘Weird Beard!’ ”—and engaging in a string of annoying eight-year-old boy mischief.

If that doesn’t define my whole life with the opposite sex, I don’t know what does. She’s pretty smart for a six-year-old.

I remember the first boy who ever liked me. I was in fourth grade and he was in fifth. He came over one day to ask me to go steady. The poor boy wrestled me, covered my head with a pillow and sat on it, and farted on me, all in some grand gesture to woo me. Despite his odd courting display, I did like him, but I just didn’t want a boyfriend. I was a bit young to settle down. I let him down gently and watched him walk home, kicking the gravel rock on our drive, perhaps thinking the farting was too much?

The realization that this lies near in my future is a bit hard to deal with actually. I can’t see my son calling a girl or asking one out, but I can see him being dumb enough to sit on her head. I’ve told him many times to please ask me for advice when dealing with girls to save himself from bra snapping, hairstyle mussing, and wet willies. These are not ways to win a girl’s heart.

But I can see that he’s practicing the fine art of boyhood courting already on his sister: grabbing her possessions and throwing them across the room, calling her pet names like Weirdo and Chubby Butt, and giving her noogies.

Still, as a mother I have a job to do. For the sake of future girl friends, girlfriends, and a possible wife, this little boy needs to turn into something resembling a catch by the time I’m done with him.

He does like snuggles and having a sister has made him somewhat sweet, so I’m hopeful it’s not too late. There is nothing more precious than seeing your son helping your daughter zip her jacket or snuggled up next to her when there is a whole couch to spread out on. Sometimes I think he’ll be OK. Then he runs off with her favorite doll, laughing like a kid with candy coursing through his veins, and I know we have a long way to go.

But then I remember that Mr. Muddled Mom was a little boy long ago. And he snuggles on the couch and plays with my hair. He can be very sweet. Then he throws a giant blanket over my head. And my daughter is so right. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, but I still want to play with him.

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22 Comments

Filed under Boy Stories, Everyday Life

22 responses to “A 6-Year-Old’s Guide to the Opposite Sex

  1. Ahh, your daughter speaks the truth. I think the rough housing, farting, name calling, and other various unrefined boy actions are all a ploy to make their moments of snuggles and sweetness all that more heart melting and keep us wanting to play.

  2. Lisa

    At least Mr. Muddled Mom doesn’t fart on you…

  3. You have just reminded me of another reason I should not be weepy about my empty nestdom: teen romance.

  4. Gahhhhhh! I have three boys, and I don’t understand why anyone would want to play with them…wait, I totally do. I’m still of the opinion that farts are hilarious, so they provide me with much laughter.

    That being said, the oldest boy is 12 and I know dating isn’t too far away. I can only hope that since he has a sister now, his behaviour will be tempered by thoughts of how he’d feel if it was another boy with his sister.

    • My guess is his thought would be, “EWWWWWWW! That’s disgusting!” But I’m totally guessing here. Having only a sister to grow up with, I always wondered what it was like to grow up with a boy in the house. Ugh, now I know.

      • See, I had (much) littler brothers growing up, so until recently, I only knew them as children. My youngest brother was 8 when my oldest was born and I still remember him asking “do you know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle yet?”

        Anyway, my boys have opened my eyes to the things they deem acceptable. It’s so different with baby girl…but that could be because her brothers spoil her rotten.

      • She’s one lucky girl!

  5. In 4th grade, a boy used to kick me in the shins all of the time. Naturally, I kicked him back. Finally, Sister Mary Margaret called us out of the room and said that if she didn’t know better she would think we liked each other because we paid so much attention to each other. That took care of that.

  6. I’m afraid I’m guilty as charged. I’m about 14 or 15 yrs old in maturity according to MLB! Still pulling pony tails and such! hehehe

  7. The joys of parenthood. My son would sometimes throw a blanket or a pillow on my face while I’m resting or tickle my foot when I’m just about to wake up. Our kids makes everyday worth waking up with optimism…Best wishes to you and your family.

  8. KP

    I don’t think they ever grow out of the farting thing as a sign of affection. When they are young its a tactic to annoy, when they mature its a sign of their comfort level with you. Boys!
    KP

  9. “Mom, I don’t get it. He’s getting on my nerves, but I still want to play with him.”
    She better get used to that feeling…

    • Unfortunately, I think she is getting used to itThanks for stopping by! I checked your blog out and it is hilarious! Working with the public and seeing what you seeblecht. People are not right, though it makes for some good storytelling.

  10. Loved it! I also love it when they say that a friend, sib, or cousin “broke up with them” and then they’re playing together like nothing happened only an hour later. My kids can all fart on queue. Especially the girls who use it both to disgust and entertain depending upon the audience. Enjoying your blog. I have same ages but twice as many.

    • Thanks! Yeah, so nice that kids rebound so quickly at this age. Just wait till those dating years…aaaah! Your girls have amazing talents, something I’m sure will land them some nice fellows in the future. The boys will be so jealous. It will be awesome!

  11. Red

    Sounds like he could make a good Valentine…box of chocolates or not.
    Red.

  12. You have a very insightful daughter 🙂

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