My Funny Things File

When my kids started talking, I diligently kept a list of the words they said and the date they said them. I proudly added new ones to their baby books even though it sounded like mumbo-jumbo to anyone outside our home. To us new parents, the words meant we were finally on that road to real communication with our children. Instead of cries and shrieks, our son could say, “Ah-noo,” and we knew he meant football. He had his own language, but we cracked the code and bought into the cuteness.

Our daughter could say, “upsididdy down” and we knew what direction she meant. If she asked for “lemonlade,” by golly, shouldn’t she have some?

As the kids got older though, real words replaced the cuteness. But some funny stuff started to come out of their mouths. In my busy day of folding laundry, wiping rears, and trying to steal a nap, I didn’t have the time to write down whole conversations in the kids’ baby books. In the moment, I began quickly typing up the funny stuff my kids said and hence, a funny list was born. I still keep this list on my computer and add to it when I overhear a hysterical conversation or my kids make me choke on my Sun Chips. And from time to time, my husband and I still read it when we need a laugh.

This is the part of the list I’m willing to share:

1. My husband asked my son, age 4, “What do you want to know about girls?”

My son didn’t miss this opportunity. He lifted his arms to his chest and shouted, “BOOBIES!”

2. My son, 4, to my daughter, 2: “Hey, say this: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America….” He told her the whole thing and then said, “If you can say that, I will play with you forever.”

My daughter’s response: “Weeble wobble.”

Weeble Wobbles

Weeble wobble, an answer for anything. (Photo credit: m kasahara)

3. My son, 4, from the backseat: “Mommy, can penises undo seatbelts?”

4. Playing hide-and-seek with my son and his Spider-Man toys, I asked him who was counting. He answered, “I said Venom was, but you didn’t listen.” Ouch.

5. I had only been out of the room a minute. When I returned, my son, 5, had a red line all the way around his mouth like a clown. I asked him what he did to his face. He said, “I wanted a beard.” I told him I was going to have to scrub it off and that I would take his markers away if he did it again. He said, “How many?”

“All of them,” I said.

He thought about it and said, “I’m going to hide them before you do that.”

6. After my son, almost 6, was super bad one day, my husband had a little talk with him. My son said, “I’ll be good till Christmas and after my birthday, then I’ll be bad again.”

7. My husband left for work one day with a box of granola bars. My daughter, 4, said, “Are you the snack bringer?”

8. My daughter had a friend over one day and the kids were eating a snack. The little girl exclaimed, “I’m going to marry a very nice man one day.” Without missing a beat, my son said, “I hope it’s not me.”

9. After crawling in bed with me one morning, my daughter, 4, asked, “Momma?”

“What?” I moaned, on my back still half asleep.

“Where did you boobies go?”

That woke me up fast.

10. Overheard while the kids were roughhousing…

My son, 6: “Ow! You’re smooshing my pee-nus!”

My daughter, 4: “Now you’re a girl.”

Without this list, I would have forgotten most of these moments. And though it’s not a fancy baby book, those lines of typed words bring more smiles than the date of a first tooth.

What funny things have your kids said?

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24 Comments

Filed under Everyday Life

24 responses to “My Funny Things File

  1. Kids and grandkids say lots of funny things. I think the best award goes to my middle son, then 4. He was watching me change his new baby sister and asked, “When is her penis going to pop up?” That explains his interest lol.

  2. JWo

    Guess who just showed up in my WordPress Reader?!?!

    The Mom in the Muddle!!!

  3. Probably the funniest was when I told Dimples that I was the actual Santa Clause and she asked, “Does Daddy know?”

    • That is hilarious! Sounds just like something my son would say. For a moment she must have thought Wonderbutt led the troupe of reindeer through the night sky.

  4. So many things…one that comes to mind is the time my son, then 3, asked why his baby sister had two butts.

  5. This is so funny! The talks between your son and daughter are reminiscent of talks between my son and daughter. I wish I had written down all the conversations they have had. After a bath one night, my daughter chased my son into his room and I could hear him yell “Jordyn! That is not a play toy! It is a pe-nis!” Too funny. Thanks for sharing. :)

    • I’ve written down conversations between them that aren’t quite as funny but have moved me in some way too. I would never remember them if I didn’t, and I think for all of the tough things we go through, these are the things that really make it worth it. Why not document it?

  6. Oh my, Karen! Nothing beats #3. That is so something a little boy would say, right? Too bad it can’t, boys could always use an extra hand…and good thing he doesn’t know all the other “cool” things it can do (yet). LOL

    On #9, my kids ask me that to this day. I’ve learned to ignore. I love your posts. You can’t make this stuff up, can you?

    • I really couldn’t make it up if I tried. I love hearing all the little gems kids say. Sometimes it’s hard to keep a straight face. And it’s really hard when they expect an answer!

  7. Some very funny pieces – thanks for the laugh. Btw, it is a great idea to record these snippets. I am sure the kids will appreciate reading them when they get older.

  8. These were awesome. I read many of them out loud to my husband. I can’t help feeling sad now though — because I’ve often thought “I’ve got to write this down” but haven’t. I was quite diligent about keeping up with both kids’ baby books until each turned 2. But, you’re right: will I really care much about recalling the actual date they lost their first teeth? No. I sure don’t want to forget all their funny kiddisms. Like the time my daughter (4) overheard her older girl cousins talking about their diaries. She, trying to be a big girl, chimed in: “I get diary too. I had diary over at Grandma Mary’s house yesterday.” I don’t know if they ever figured out she was referring to her digestional woes. Either way, she was right up to par with how my own grandmother inserted herself into conversations.

    • Oh, bless her heart. That is so funny! It’s never too late to start writing things down. Kids are full of funny things. I find that when my mouth is full of food is usually the time they spring the most hilarious stuff on me. There are still things I forgot to write down, but you can’t get them all. I wonder if it comes back to you later? I tried keeping journals for my kids but found I just wasn’t good at keeping them up. A little list on the computer of any old thing is better than nothing.

  9. Those were hilarious! With the exception of number 2, I think you will be hearing some form of all of your son’s comments again when he is 16 (and he’ll be dating your daughter’s friend).

    • My son is never at a loss for interesting and inappropriate comments. And I have no doubts that I’ll have to keep my kids away from each other’s friends. I’m going to need lots of liquor or therapy or something to get through their teenage years!

  10. Oh my lord, I just laughed so hard at these (and the comments!) that years came out. Thank you for ending my week with a good laugh!!

    Hmmm… How about from my son (5), when he was going to the bathroom before getting in the shower: “Mommy, look how big my penis is!”
    My response, “Yep, it must be full of all that pee!”
    (I then made sure the water was a good temperature, shooed him into the shower, asked him to make sure he washed himself well, then walked into the kitchen where my husband was doing dishes and said, “Shower time is YOUR job from now on.”)

  11. I have such regrets about not having done this, I cannot tell you!! You, and they, will be so glad that you took the time to do this. This was a wonderful read.

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